Long time no update

In all seriousness I’m actually surprised to see the last post on here was back in july or something… Whoops!

I have had a couple of new people subscribing to this and its like, cool… um… maybe I should actually post things?

I’ve been fighting depression again and… maybe I’m out of it enough to be productive?

I hate just rolling over to sleep and giving up. But combine a lazy person with lethargy and it doesn’t end well.

This is a decent example of the difference in wellness creates

I’m not including images of my own home because, frankly I’m ashamed that I have let it get bad enough that I don’t have a clean plate to eat off of anymore… From someone that owns three large plates and a variety of dinner plates.

Why not clean them after I use them?

Good question.

I ask myself that after every intensive round of dishes. Where EVERYTHING needs to be washed. It gets so bad that it gets put off. Over and over till there’s a breaking point.

The rest of the time I can pop on a video on youtube on my phone and just let it play while I do the bowl from that day and the day prior (especially if I worked a double shift the day before). Instead, because I have enough plates and so on and so forth, its a case of, fuck it.

I’ll just use another one, till it gets that bad, all you can do is just collect ALL of them and watch the stack grow more and more. Till a point of either sheer defeat, or determination.

I live on my own, pots should be easy.

They are.

When I have the motivation to even look after myself. Which, frankly I don’t.

I hate having more bad days than good, but I also don’t want to go on medication because of it. It’s that stubbonness that’s not doing me any favours… but, been there done that.

And by the time I realise something’s bad, it’s already been too long.

Putting this into perspective. The last time I cleaned my flat in its entirety (and I mean REALLY cleaned it, not just sweeping the floor cause it looks bad) was November. Since then I’ve kept the toilet clean, and the kitchen hob somewhat clean. (When its not under a bunch of plates or just random stuff that doesn’t belong in the kitchen).

I took my trash out the other day… After going around my living room, and kitchen… I had enough for FOUR WEEKS. I have multiple bins and I’d just let them get full, and had a binbag on the side (with the intent to take it out after I filled it… it remained half full and gradually being topped up, while the kitchen bin sat next to it full). And that’s before I even touched my bedroom bin.

What makes it worse, I’d taken a bag or two out the prior week to try and clear it, but there was just so much.

You CAN see the floor now, before, well, a LOT of stuff wasn’t in its place.

I’ve had to shove my floordrobe into separate large shopping bags for now to just try and break it up. At this point I only know that half of it is clean laundry I’ve not put away, and the rest… I don’t actually know if it needs to be cleaned or not.

This is AFTER I spent a week like widow twanky with the indoor washing line up in the hall again… Sucks not having a dryer when towels need doing. It just gets worse and worse… and… some of the worst of it all is. I shoved clutter into random storage boxes and shoved them under my bed to give the illusion of a person on top of things… they’re STILL THERE… from November.

Looking at my almost clean living room and I just… one half of the room is a mess, the other fared quite well, I kept my desk clear for the most part, the table next to it on the otherhand…

Another trip to the charity shops is likely due. Anything I don’t use anymore (clearly i don’t if I’ve not used it in months) is going to get ditched, the rest… I’m constantly changing the layout of certain things, my desks… my books… Every time I think ive managed to get a productive work environment going … It all goes to shit in a matter of weeks.

Not making excuses, just saying it as it is.

I promised I’d update my writing blog more and its like, the backlog now is so huge part of me doesn’t know where to start. I’ll try and finish any draft chapters I have and see where that gets me, but… it’s taken THIS long to even want to come onto here and just type away, I’ve been doing anything but…

It also sucks being a wash n wearer, because after a while it turns out you need to wear other things, for other occasions, instead of say… a work uniform, or that same couple of shirts you’ve been wearing. Everything else is floordrobed and rarely put back where it needs to be, cause… fuck it. Even when there’s plenty of space for EVERYTHING.

I also gained a significant amount of weight again recently… I had lost a decent amount and kept on track, then gained it all back… and then some. Diet and lack of exercise for the fail there. Sucks going up a shirt size… because all of the stuff you bought when your weight wasn’t great looks even WORSE.

I could fit into mediums around August, November of last year… Now, now I need XL or generous Large. I’ve always been overweight, but this is irritating the hell out of me. Though, not enough to actually do anything about it…

 

Advertisements

March(ish) Update

Just checking into this thing to say yeah… I moved.

Things are… so far pretty ok.

Door a couple of floors down was kicked in yesterday so its like, yup, quite a bit of nagging partial regret is getting bigger. I live closer to work and I’ve managed to make and keep friends and so forth… but… at what cost. Why am I working where I do… all the same questions anyone asks themselves at any point I guess.

Finances are likely to settle down… but they’re still up in the air, especially because… well –  Council Tax, Car Insurance, Credit Card… All three are shits, as… I’ve had to put more on the credit card becaaaause –

I’ve been referred to a surgeon down back in Manchester.

I live in Scotland now, and I used to live RIGHT NEXT TO FUCKING MANCHESTER… and now I’m 300 miles away. Smart fucking move referral people. There’s seriously NOT a surgeon in Scotland, AT ALL. Thanks NHS Scotland…

Well – actually, remove the sarcasm. Thanks indeed. I actually mean it. I’m one payslip away from being able to send of my gender recognition form and whatnot. And the same month, a consultation at a surgeons so… yeah, I’m apprehensive at getting there on time but… Here’s hoping they don’t mind if I do end up a few minutes late… I’m relying heavily on public transport and I will likely not make it on time… but… well… either that or i get there over six hours early… which I probably should do but well… here’s hoping the bus I can get will at least get me there in time for the appointment… if all goes well I shouldn’t be much more than five minutes late.

If I’m lucky then… well… if I’m lucky I will be on time… Im gonna have to get a taxi… woo… *leheaddesk*

There’s more shit I wanted to write now but fuck it… I’ll just share some shit I made with a dressup thing on RinmaruGames

MyStyle

Kearlynne Anacsalon

MyStyle(1)

Nolascana Anacsalon

December 2013

Well… This hasnt been updated in a while so ill start with the start of the month.

The Endocrine appointment only told me i have polycystic ovaries and that id need to go back in april after yet another panic attack inducing blood test to find out more.

Then around a week later i crashed my car into some trees after taking a corner wrong and found out eventually it was a writeoff. Thankfully i was able to get a curtesy car for a while, which was good… And the day after they picked it up… I picked up my new car
image

image

image

image

Hehe here’s Panda, not a bad do really, cost more than I wanted to spend but in the long run alls well.

The job i guess is going ok, ups and downs. I’m just not in a good place in December… Too many deaths in the month and well… Me crashing the car didnt help a thing really.

Panda doesn’t like going 60+ and throws me about a little but ill get used to her eventually. Alls well enough now with her.